Once. Again.

once again it’s been far too long since I’ve taken the time to jot.  I spend Far too much time in front of the computer so i avoid it after working hours and always feel like a mobile blog isn’t the same. Something about keying each word and feeling the release.   That being said, tonight I blog via mobile – while taking a hot bath – after listening to Lucy scream for an hour and a half about not wanting to go to bed and or water not being what she needs to drink at bed.  *sigh*

I am long over due for an update. Things have been up and down and kinda crazy. Between school and work that’s enough to put me over the edge but then there is parenting. Every bit of motherhood is love but no one is prepared for the loneliness that single parenting brings.  I am isolated 80% of the time – when I do Connect with someone about something I’m facing it’s because I’ve opened my eyes to consider their position not actually have made a true connection.  Please don’t bitch about how your mom wouldn’t take the kids or your husband didn’t do the dishes… I’d give anything to have those “problems”.  My isolation has been setting in for a few months even when I’m not alone I feel Alone and disconnected.  I dont Mean to be aloof but Im tired. The weight is weighing on me and I’m not sure how to realign things to make them easier or better. At least on that front. I’m not sure how to reconnect.

since I last Wrote, I’ve started working from home – amazing! But also trying.

I gained A roommate for a few months! And with her rent money I thought it would be super awesome to get the next tattoo in my story… but then I decided on a trip this spring with my boyfriend.

Yes. I said It boyfriend.  He’s been around for many years as a “known” friend but never anything more. Sparks flew in July and the rest is history. He’s great! Fantastic with me and Lucy loves him! A dream! The only catch is, in my funk, I cant Shake my unworthiness. I am Doing the best I can To push that aside but it’s so exhausting to fight myself. Going into us, I had No plan and I really Feel like I am Doing well with keeping it that way until his intentions are clear.   So far, he puts us first, he’s consistent, loving, kind, and he stands beside me holding my hand like we can conquer the world! Pretty sure we can – next to not being able to battle the troubled three year old at bed! But That’s another story.

Mom. Work. School. Work. Mom. Girl friend. Friend. Girl friend. Mom. School. Friend. Over and over. Ground hog day!

 

Im tired. Life is stressful. But I’m thankful.  I’ll continue  to chip away at my rough bits and hope for the best. Once. Again.

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