Your. Person. 

The greatest adventure I have ever been on is this one where I am trying to figure out who I am without being defined. I want to be whatever I am in the moment. I want to live freely like the wind and not face human elements. Unfortunately, I am human and that has been the biggest adventure yet!
It’s been a really long time since I feel like I have “felt” anything. I usually go through the motions and live a robotic life of sorts. In a weeks time I have been inspired from the deepest part of my core. I cry again. I wake up after short sleeps and I am ready to face the day with a burning fire of desire.
Now. I cannot explain where this awakening has come from or why the fire has been lit now. Instead of fearing that I won’t be able to stop everything by sabotaging it (I am that girl) I fear that I will not have soaked up every second possible before it’s over. I know, it ends, I just don’t know when. I am not afraid of the ending. I afraid of not enjoying the journey. I want to be lost completely in whatever this is and watch as my life fills fast…almost fast so that I cannot gasp for air. 
Last night I had an ugly cry. It’s been a long time since I felt so deeply that I was able to cry—instead I have been buried in what feels like a trans. Where I very much an still an emotionally moved person I just don’t feel so deeply. Last night I felt. I was overwhelmed with sorrow and heart break that I could not take the pain away from Cloud9 and the loss of his father. For someone who is usually morbid and stoic toward the inevitable. Not last night. Not when he was hurting because today would be the Memorial Day and mark 9 years of losing one of the greatest people in his life. The person who shaped him to be who he is today and the person he strives to be daily. So I cried. I lost my shit and I felt. I am still unsure how to help. And perhaps that’s what makes me saddest of all…I cannot fix his pain. The only thing I can do is be here.
Tomorrow will mark one week since I have gone to bed before midnight. Tomorrow will mark 7 days that I have effortlessly fallen for a boy. Right off the cliff. Tomorrow will be 168 hours after revival.
So the reality of all of this and the greatest potential part is the learning that is going to take place. I might be star struck and in the moment right now. Somewhat apprehensive to voice this incredible time but also doing everything I can to remember that I am worthy of love. If this isn’t it, and it doesn’t have to be, I can be full! I can be! I will continue to push myself to just enjoy the moments and belly laugh every chance I get. I will carry myself as I climb onto the wings of this—whatever this is—and I will be here supporting myself when it slowly comes down. I feel like this is crazy—and perhaps it is—but what else way is there to deal with it? 
What does it feel like? When you find your person? 

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