One day someone will walk into your life and bring all of the beauty you never saw in yourself back to the surface again. It won’t seem forced. It won’t feel like a hidden agenda. You actually won’t even notice how easy your walls come down until after the fact. Special people have ways of reaching places inside of you that you normally wouldn’t allow people into. They earn your trust. They make you feel safe. They give you a reassurance that they aren’t out to hurt you. And when bad times do arise, they end up becoming the first person to wipe your tears or the last person standing to help you fight your fears. One day a person like this will definitely walk into your life and make you feel like being in love is actually pretty easy. And “easy love” is just the best love that you can have.
It hasn’t been so long since I started dating. I am apprehensive and feel its very selfish but a good part of me doesn’t “need” someone around but really my desire is more of not wanting to be alone for the rest of my life. You can’t catch a fish by sitting on the couch.
So I have gone on four really great dates. The first one had not second date–we just didn’t have chemistry but it was a good time. The second one had a second date and then fizzled out. I refuse to carry a relationship. The third was nice. It was sweet bliss. KP was an awesome guy, I really enjoyed him, but that flopped too. His parting words were: “When I thought about dating…I thought I would go on a bunch of miserable first dates. I didn’t think I would find you so quickly. I know I am not in the place to give you what you deserve because you are very deserving”. I was a little upset–but I appreciated the honesty and jumped right back on the horse. I did not know that my fourth date would not only make me laugh like a laughing hyena but long for his existence to be in my presence. A somewhat “missing” feeling.
Now, I know that at any point this could come crashing down around me. I am ok with this. I woke up this morning after talking entirely to late to him….longing for his touch. Longing for his kiss. But most importantly longing for his sense of comfort. We just met, and this is crazy, but I feel like I have known him for a million years. He even tried to end our ten year marriage via hilarious text yesterday…which once would have hit a raw wound in me but it made me smile like I have not smiled in years. He’s stupid but he’s funny and smart and charming. He understands that life isn’t always what we want it to be but that we have to live in it. We have a lot in common but are very different. He is goal driven. He is an amazing father. I could spend hours listening to him ramble and i want to hear every crazy story he has.
I told him one night this week that I needed to get off this cloud and go to bed. He picked at me and we talked for 3 more hours. I don’t share much with people but for some reason he just feels like a “my” person. Perhaps it won’t be anything more than a summer romance.
“Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons. But when all is said and done, they have one thing in common: They are shooting stars-a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity. And in a flash, they’re gone.” -Nicholas Sparks
Either way. I am completely intoxicated riding on this cloud. cloud.9.
And. I. Am. Terrified. In. The. Best. Way.