Growing. Pains. Co-Parenting.

I am doing everything I can to understand the “need” for my child to be with her father this week. I fully 1100% support their relationship, I would never take that aware unless circumstances became unsafe or something truly worthy of the cut were there. However, I am struggling beyond belief this week on his summer “vacation” week…. Where he is essentially keeping her from me. She has gone to daycare. He has not planned anything with her. They have stayed home and she has called me the last two nights crying that she wants to come home.  How do I tell my 2 year old without a cracking voice that she cannot see me and she has to stay with her father…when it would be as easy as getting in the car and driving the 5 minutes to his house… I am struggling. REALLY REALLY struggling.

I think one of the hardest parts to comprehending how selfish my once greatly loved big hearted man has become. There is no way on God’s green Earth that I would EVER dream of having a “vacation” week, staying home, and keeping my child from her father. I keep trying to see the silver lining. Its not there. I keep hoping I will sleep a night away and I will be one day closer to her coming home. And the days are dragging. The bank account is draining. Its taking everything I can to not spend money because things. Things will fill my holes. right? I mean. Thats what things do? NOPE.

I am not sure how anyone gets through this pain. I don’t think it will ever get easier or lighter–she will just get older and communication/understanding will be more vibrant. Until then, I feel like I am withering in misery.

I have cleaned the house a great deal and spent some much needed time with myself. I think one day or two days goes fine…. but then I start losing my mind. After consoling my crying baby on the phone last night “who just wanted to come home” or “go see mommy” I just wanted to drive off a cliff or drive into the clouds or be anywhere not home not reminded not holding onto the sad heart wrenching sobs on the other end of the phone.

Even at the most stressful times I would never want to be without my daughter. I guess these are the growing pains of co-parenting. I have this to look forward to for the rest of my life. I am hoping that I come to terms with it. Sooner than later. oh. The. growing. pains. of. co-parenting.