This week has been extremely trying. Friday night a friend and I went out–was nice but ultimately not what a night out should look like in my book. I keep stumbling through this “I am a 20 something year old divorcee with an almost two year old”. I feel 40 easily. Seems I keep chasing this young self. Society says what is socially acceptable behavior for a 25 year old…. then there is me. Who clearly knows and see’s and hears but. I shut down. I want so badly to feel young. And yet.I am. OLD.

I have made it a point this week to pursue me. How do we find the balance of life and continue to be true to ourselves. I have gone to bed every single night this week with my baby. BECAUSE I WANTED TO. I have an enormous pile of clothing in my spare room (making of my sanctuary…that has once again filled a gap for me). I have been washing and dumping on the floor in there for about 2 weeks. Clothes that i pulled out of the closet and put on the floor or basket…DUMPED onto the floor in there. Tonight I hope to tackle the project. I was in need of cleaning my closet anyway but now I have no choice but to do the whole thing. I hope tomorrow to get 30 minutes to sew in the evening.  My house is “clean” its lived in. This concept has been hitting me hard. How do I accept this. I’ve never had a show room house…but…my house is most always organized. I need that back but. Just turn up the music and everything will go away with the radio.

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