Today another local divorce care class is supposed to start. I have emailed 3 times to get information on the class and hold a spot for me. Same email that I used last year when I signed up. I have taken this as a sign that perhaps I am not supposed to take the class again. Perhaps I am supposed to already feel normal. And perhaps a normal person would not seek wounded birds to hang out with but rather they would join a book club.
As I was sitting here at my desk wrapping up my homework assignment in the midst of a tornado warning and paying credit card bills I was really contemplating the decision not to call for the class. 1) its 2016 check your email. 2) if you are going to list an email. check it. 3) I am really just looking for an escape. All of these things running through my head and suddenly the song Faithfully comes on the radio. This is ironic because it was the song that I randomly made out to with a guy that ultimately made me understand why I couldn’t find the “right” guy. Because I was longing for every guy to be my current husband soon to be ex. I woke up a few days after that make out session after two years of running away and trying to stay away and ran right into his house (our house). Tears flowing and heart aching I was giving in. I had my hands in the air and I was accepting that being apart was wrong. It was more wrong than anything had ever been and being in his arms was the only right I had ever felt. He was and is my comfort.
So tonight. I will fight the fight. I won’t go to divorce care. I will not seek comfort or shelter from places I shouldn’t. Faithfully. I will be my own. and I will stand by me. Because I am forever mine.