Sometimes I can’t help but celebrate the loss of a life I once dreamed of having but was living a life that was nothing that I wanted in the way I deserve.

Learning to put myself first and to love myself and learning my worth.

For nine years I was constantly put on the back burner. I was constantly questioned for who I am and constantly I allowed it.

Today. I plan to be a little less submissive. I want to put myself out there and go for myself. I have a knack for not needing help. Not needing people. And this puts me into a small dark place. The place where I have beautifully lit with lots of Christmas lights from year end sales. I dance here. I love it here. But reality here is that at some point I am going to need to ask for someone to enter my tragic heart. Tragic because somewhere a long the way I failed to learn to love myself and that creates more problems than the average high maintenance woman. A woman who doesn’t love or know how to love herself is like setting mouse traps across a 5 foot flooring section a setting free 10 mice on to the patch of traps. Not one of them is going to get to the other side.

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