Stocked.

I don’t know what the case is lately, like maybe I am putting out huge vibes of “single and not needing a man” which makes me intriguing or what.  I have had more friends, old friends and new, married friends, single friends, friends friends, and strangers approach me more than ever here in the last few months. Like, here I am covering  every piece of skin I can, and wearing whatever comfortable I feel like, as “scrubby” as I could have ever been and BAM everywhere I seem to look or turn someone is coming on to me or saying something–that in my mind is crazy!

Today at lunch I was walking into target and their was another customer just staring at me–maybe he meant no harm–maybe he did but he shouted at me as I walked passed him (on a mission) “you could at least smile” and before I could even think about it I said “its a little hard when someone is looking at you like a fucking piece of meat” and kept walking.

I get so frustrated. I am on this journey to that welcomes no distraction of man. I want to know where I stand with God. Where I stand with myself. and I wan to be 110% happy doing me–which means I can walk into Goodwill and spend $50 on myself without freaking out. I have been beaten and battered emotionally for too long. My self worth is so low and my self expectation is beyond high. Hoping that with enough time to be focused on me I can find the pretty middle of self acceptance and love.

That being said. These men have to go. What do I do? I really have no idea. I have asked many people if I come off a certain way or if I put myself out there too much? Even asked what I can do differently to make others step off. I didn’t get very far with my questions. Even my best friend thinks I have rolled in some honey and doesn’t quite understand my problem with the attracted masses and or where they are coming from. I am not overly friendly, I am well covered, I am strictly business when it needs to be, and normally just a nice person but not too friendly.

One of my biggest irritations is a guy who will not leave me alone. He hasn’t really crossed a line but he has not taken “i am not looking for anything or for someone to talk to all the time” as real life. He has texted me at least 9 times with no response. When I respond I am brief and clean. He still doesn’t get it. He is married, currently separated, and has confessed his crush on me  but…. I was clear. I drew the line. NOW. I am super super frustrated. He is a nice guy and I dont want to have to be mean to him but we work together and I am having to change my daily routines to avoid him.  Then add the co-worker I asked advice for how to easily let A down and now L is all over me. UHM. I have stalkers on stock. #endrant

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