It’s 2 a.m.


Single parenting at its finest last night. Lucy is gluten and dairy free so she often requires “specific” foods. Like homemade gluten free dairy free bread and muffins for school. I usually try to make them on weekend nights because then I am not taking time away from Lucy to make her food but we have been sick and things are falling behind so I will need tonight to clean floors and bathrooms after she goes to bed. Bread and muffins were a must to get us through the weekend and into next week SO long story short she destroyed the house while I made bread/muffins/dinner. Even though a majority of the time she was under my feet crying. I felt. so. horrible. but at the same time. What else was I to do? Not have things we needed so I could sit and hold her?  I did wear her for about 45 minutes but she soon wanted down to go put stickers on the wall.

Skip forward. We get through me feeling like a failing parent because I couldn’t stop what I was doing and play. Bread takes about and hour and half to get into the oven with rising and 40-60 minutes to bake. I could not do that and get into bed at a decent time for my 5:30 alarm and be alive today…so. Bread is made. and Lucy has muffins for the next few weeks.

We got dinner in. Then bath time. Usual story time and bedtime snuggles. Then for the first time in a week I actually didn’t go to bed with Lucy, I had to go pick up her stickers and coloring books she threw everywhere and all of the what-ever-else’s that were everywhere.

Fast forward again. I got to bed at a decent time.

My 1:45am wake up call was my child choking. CHOKING. In her sleep. CHOKING. Like the real deal struggle to breathe. Gasping. Sudden loss of coughing. CHOKING.  I have been trained in CPR and have remained certified for 12 years. I have had a few incidents that needed my training but nothing major and mostly I was just trained support for things not actually using my training.  Well. In the moment I didn’t think twice about what was happening. I instantly flipped my baby over my knee (she is still mostly asleep CHOKING) and start back blows. A few solid hits and a chunk of freaking TURKEY, yes TURKEY, comes shooting out and then some vomit from gagging.  Still in a sleepy mode I let her finish puking and make sure all is clear. I move yuckies away all the while holding my terrified and shaking child. She has puke all over her (and cries because its on me).  I slowly get out of bed to take her to the bath. As I am stripping her clothes and wiping her off I had a moment of realization: I may always be the one to deal with our sick child, I may always be the one that has no idea how single people prepare dinner or for tomorrow without highly upsetting their 21 month old, I may struggle to find a wrap to put my kid on my back so I can clean up puke sheets, I may even struggle to really know what people do with puke sheets, but I will always be able to rest knowing that I did.

Puke stained. And heart attack drained. I held my baby and watched spongebob. I told her how pretty she was and she gave me a huge smile and kiss with an attached “I love you”. I don’t know what normal is for anyone else. I know that my normal is somehow internally freaking out and still functioning fully for my daughter. It’s 2a.m. I don’t care where you are but I am so sad you are missing this.


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